Snack-Pack? You're the coolest!

For my mom and not-quite stepdad's New Year's resolution, they decided to cut all processed foods out of their diet (not quite as good as my resolution). They cleaned out all of their cupboards, and guess who got a massive amount of delicious snacks? That's right.
Everyone needs to come over to my house.....
I will make you the best fucking snack you've ever had.
After you finish the snack, you will be laying on my couch, unable to move because you feel so snacktastic.


My mom and drove out past Cochrane to visit Peso, my sister's horse, today. She's been away for a few days, and we needed to check up on him. Anyway, so we're driving, and I ask my mom about the whole vacation thing again. She is keeping straight-up quiet. Here's the thing: my mom likes when I tell her stories. So, I ask her if I can tell her a story in return for a little more info on the whole vacation deal (if you have no idea what I'm talking about, read the previous post).
She says that she will tell me more if it is a really good story, so I pull something out of my head that I think she might enjoy.

...This one time, I found some old longjohns at my house. Because they were men's longjohns, they had a little wang pocket in the front. I had some friends coming over, so I wore them to answer the door. After hours of convincing, I was able to make most of them think that they were revolutionary longjohns for girls, and the pocket in the front was a snack pouch ( I had to illustrate this by putting a whole bag of chips in my pants). Then, after they were starting to believe me, I was like "Nope, I was just joking, it's actually a wang pocket". They all looked at me in a disgusted way for spending so much time on a lame-ass prank.

My mom liked the story, so she told me a bit more about the whole vacation ordeal. When my great-grandma died, she left my mom some money. Most people would just pay bills and stuff with the cash, but my grandma's instructions were for my mom to spend it on something fun with my sister and I. So, my mom wants to take us on a warm vacation. She doesn't get the money until August, so she figured we'd probably take it next winter, which means that we have a ton of time to plan.
It's going to be a bit rough, as we have to all agree on a destination, and we're all very different people. I'm used to traveling alone, and doing whatever I want, whenever I want. My mom said that I was supposed to think up the most relaxing vacation I could, and describe it to her. So I was like "Okay, we go to this little private beach and stay in a hut and get sauced and go swimming in the ocean all day". Then my mom reminded me that my sister wouldn't ever agree to stay in a hut, and probably wouldn't swim in the ocean, so we need to stay in a nice hotel with a pool. So now I'm trying to think of places with hotels and stuff, but also a kick-ass beach where I can swim that's not too crowded. If we go to Mexico or Hawaii or Jamaica, I'm afraid that I'm going to get stuck doing a bunch of touristy shit (which, to be fair, would probably be really fun if I was sauced), so I'm trying to find a place that's a bit more secluded.
Any new suggestions?