BLAAOW!

If you see me out this weekend, shake my hand, give me a hug, gently pat my ass.... You know, do whatever you'd normally do to someone when you say goodbye.
You heard me. I'm officially leaving town, probably for good. Hasta la Vista, Sarah.

Now, before you break out the party hats and balloons, you should know that I'm not leaving until Monday night.

The truth is, from the day I moved back to Calgary, I knew I couldn't stay here forever. I have a higher calling.... A higher calling that has something to do with Wu-Tang and a tour bus.

For the first time ever, Method Man and I will be in the same room. I will show up to Monday's concert with my "resume", which is what I call it when I unbutton the top six buttons on my shirt. That's right, I am intent on landing a job on a Wu-Tang tour bus.

Stop. I know what you guys are thinking. What am I going to do on Method Man's tour bus? He's already got teamsters and roadies (both of which are far more slobby than I could ever strive to be), a hype-man, a DJ, opening acts, a manager, and a driver. What is the one thing missing? Of course. No rapper's tour bus is complete without a chubby white bitch.

Normally, a tour bus just picks up a new chubby white bitch in every city, but in terms of time-management, it just makes sense to keep one as a permanent fixture. What exactly does the job entail? Well, I haven't really figured that out yet, but I'm pretty sure that I'll be in charge of distributing the Hennessy and cigarillos, and rolling and lighting elbows. Also, I may or may not have to have someone's baby. I don't know, I'm not a mind-reader.

I am, however, willing to bet that this gig pays far better than what I'm making now, and I'm sure I could hook up some sort of benefits plan, if I can sweet-talk Method Man enough. He seems like a reasonable guy.

Point is, wish me luck in my future endeavours. Things are about to get interesting, guys.

~sarah p.

p.s. As I was passing by Tequila on 17th Ave today, I noticed that Brody Jenner will be hosting their Tuesday evening festivities in a couple of weeks. I have no idea what goes on at Tequila on Tuesday nights, but I'm willing to bet that it's certainly no Les Deux. That being said, I do think that I may want to go check it out.
I've never found myself to be attracted to Mr. Jenner, but I do know that he's one of the lucky few that could probably properly dispel those Lauren "Beef Curtains" Conrad rumors. As well, he's famous for no reason, made out with Whitney once, and his dad is some sort of big-shot who is plowing Kim Kardashian's mom, which means that he is essentially the closest thing that North America has to royalty. I think you guys should join me (that is, IF I'm still around).