Lohan: Raw

Whoa, Lohan... You've really done it this time. You are in so much trouble, dude.
You are going to get hurt in prison. You are going to be the most attractive human in the entire building at all times (hell, even in court, you managed to pull off a "drugged supermodel that hasn't blown all of her money yet, and likes to play with markers" look that really worked!). Your cellmate is going to be so fucking stoked. When Martha Stewart got out of prison, she re-appeared into the spotlight, and told everyone that she was better for the experience. What she didn't mention were the nightly mandatory 'truth or dare' games in the exercise yard, or the 'Martha doesn't shower alone' rule that the girls in her cell block made up. It is going to be awful.
90 days later, you'll emerge a happy, slightly less scruffy, demure faux-lesbian... At least until you get your hands on one of the three V's: vodka, Vicodin, or vagina.
Tough break, kid. Good luck in the slammer.

~sarah p.