Another COPS gem:

A cop stops a guy as he lowers himself off of a high, barbed wire fence onto the ground.

Cop: Do you speak english? A little bit?
(guy nods)
Cop: Are you an American citizen?
(guy nods)
Cop: When did you immigrate to the U.S.?
Guy: Uhhh... Just now?

Nice try, man. The hopeful glimmer in that guy's eyes was probably the cutest thing I've seen all year. The cop shipped him back to Mexico, where he will have to try hopping the fence again in three hours.

~sarah p.