The last to know.

I guess you could say I feel like a total idiot. I'm always the last to know things. For example, I'm pretty sure I'm the last person on the entire planet to learn that Mike Tyson is an avid pigeon enthusiast. I feel like an even bigger dick, because I didn't realize that Spike Lee would be directing a reality television program regarding said fact... It seems so fantastically absurd that it should, somehow, be plainly obvious.

Even more impressive is the courage it takes to be one of Mike Tyson's pigeons. You'd be constantly on edge, worried that ol' Iron Mike was going to fly off the handle and "Holyfield" one of your delicate little wings. The fear of seeing your filthy pigeon feathers sticking out of the mouth of one of boxing's greatest legends would have you wearing little bird diapers and tiptoeing around the coop and keeping the gentle coo-ing to a minimum.
You'd go to bed every night wishing you could be one of those pigeons that hangs out at the subway station and eats cracker crumbs off the sidewalk and does not think twice about shitting on a prominent statue or someone's shoulder.
Instead, you've got Spike Lee yelling in one pigeon ear that your acting is not "believable", and Mike Tyson licking his lips in your other pigeon ear, and you just had to sign the contract to be part of the new Spike Lee joint. Tough break. Tough pigeon break.

~sarah p.

p.s. Is this real? Please let this be real. If this is some kind of joke, I'm going to be very upset.