Crush On You.

I was a fiercely loyal partner to my ex. I was not the type of person to have a wandering eye. In the almost-decade that we were together, I didn't even allow myself to have a celebrity crush. I was kind-of a crazy person in that regard.
That being said, up until eight years ago, I was boy.fucking.crazy.

It all started when I was six years old, with a show that ended ABC's TGIF lineup in the late 80's, Just The Ten of Us. Friday nights were a bit of a free-for-all at my house when I was a kid. My mom usually worked evenings, and dad would have had a few start-of-the-weekend beers, so we got to stay up late and drink Slurpees while dad snoozed on the couch behind us. 10:30PM each Friday, I would wait anxiously to see how much screen-time 'JR' was going to get this week. JR was the only boy in the family on the show. He was cute and non-threatening, and I thought he was quite a piece of ass. JR was my official first crush ever. At that point, I didn't understand that JR was just a TV character, and I dreamed of running away to California with him for the next two years.

I've mentioned before on this blog that my room was plastered with posters from teen magazines (which are essentially clothes-on porn for pre-teens). When I was younger, my all-time favorite was New Edition, followed by Kris Kross, JTT, and the fat boy and the short boy from The Mighty Ducks movies. Into my teen years, it was Jodeci, and a young, hippie-haired Jospeh Gordon Levitt. I also had a crush on just about any and every boy in my school that was quirky, awkward, well-dressed, shy, or sensitive (bonus points for any combo of the five). As I entered the adult world, nothing really changed, with exception of sex thrown into the mix. I could write a novel on my early-20's exploits, but I won't, because gross.

It came to me in a dream last night. I don't remember the dream specifically, but I awoke to realize that I get to have crushes again. I get to feel the push-and-pull of pursuing someone. The heart-stopping thrill of running into them, accidentally on purpose. Even the uncertainty of it all, the rejection and unrequitedness, has it's own kind of beauty. Fresh out of a long-term relationship, I am not sure I'm ready to date just yet, but I'm ready to start from scratch and learn how to have a crush on someone again, and it's going to be awesome.

~sarah p. 

p.s.