To the owners of White Haven Manor:

I should've known by your carefully manicured lawns, or by the faint smell of California rolls and Diet Coke in the air every time I passed by. You hide it well, White Haven Manor, and even a super-sleuth like me took a while to figure it out. It's been fairly warm out, so people have been leaving their windows open.... This is where the truth escaped. As I passed by your building, the sounds of Everybody Loves Raymond echoed together like a fine concerto, flowing from behind Ikea curtains. This sealed the deal: White Haven Manor is, without a doubt, the most cracker-ass building in all of Calgary.

I've been in my new place for a month now, and from time-to-time, I hear the guy downstairs rocking out to Unskinny Bop, or see my other neighbours downstairs debating the merits of Ford vs Chevy, so I thought my building was pretty bad. Now that I've figured out the true secret behind White Haven Manor, I feel a lot better... Nowadays, I think of my building like a visit to a multicultural fair in the middle of Prince Edward Island. No culture or color, but at least we're trying to assimilate into a multi-ethnic society. I see that one of my neighbours has a Chris Rock DVD in their window, and I've got a pretty amazing selection of cliche hip hop on my I-Tunes, plus I grew up in the NE (one block in), so you know I've got street-cred out the ass.

Quite frankly, I'm just glad that I'll never, ever have to tell a cabbie to take me to 'White Haven Manor' at the end of the night... Probably likens your chance of a less-than-pleasant ride.

Good luck with that, guys... Ever considered a name-change? Perhaps something like "The Christopher Wallace Memorial Lodge"? With a name like that, you'd be the greatest building in town, hands-down. I should really get into property management.

~sarah p.