Thuuuuug life.

The other day, I may have done the worst thing I've ever done. I will be thirty years old in a year and a half, and I'm terrified that my mom will find out. I'd rather not divulge the details, but I assure you: for doing what I did, I would get in trouble in any country in the world. There is no excuse for what I did, rather, it was a crime of circumstance... A story to tell in about five years when I am sure I am fully void of any repercussions. I may not believe in heaven, but I am positive I will still end up in hell for this one.
Do you guys think I'll look better in a prison-issued orange jumpsuit, or a prison-ordered striped jumpsuit? How should I wear my do-rag: Hells Angels-style, Tupac-style, or 50 Cent-style? Do I have to make out with my cellmate? What will I do if I drop the soap in the communal shower????
Ugh. Why didn't I get mistakes like this out of my system when I was young, resilient, and brave?
Cross your fingers for me, guys. Or don't. I don't even know what I deserve anymore.

~sarah p.