The Real Mr. Noodle: A Eulogy

Last week, Momofuko Ando, the inventor of instant ramen passed away at the ripe old age of 96. For some unknown reason, I was not invited to his funeral (probably something to do with the big scene I caused when I attended the funeral of the dude that invented Hot Pockets), but since Mr. Ando affected my life in so many ways, I prepared a eulogy anyway:
Hey fella,
Thanks for using that massive brain of yours to invent something that pretty much sustained me the entire time I was a student.
39 cents for a meal? Fucking ridiculous. Before ramen came along, I would have had to eat out of the garbage if I wanted a meal for 39 cents (because that's how much the hobos would have charged me for a garbage finder's fee).
To this day I'm shocked that I didn't get worms from eating so much cheap soup, yet I remain worm-free. I attribute this to all of the love that was put into inventing instant ramen.
With all of the greasy, sodium-based broth I ingested, I probably lost a good five years off of my life, but those years come off of the end (AKA-the crap years), so it doesn't even matter anyway.
Sure, years of forcing myself to eat instant dinners has actually made me kind-of hate the taste of ramen, but in the scheme of things, I probably am still alive today because you put a brick of dried noodles and a foil packet of msg together.

Rest in peace, you crazy bastard. Curry beef was the best flavor.

~sarah p.

p.s. Sweet and sour pork stamps? Looks like it's time for me to pack up and move to China if that's how things are going down around there.