Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Life in the 'burbs.

We've been out in the middle of nowhere for a few months now, and it's starting to take it's toll on me. This is the first time in my entire life that I have lived in a place where I couldn't walk downtown whenever I want...
It's safe to say I'm far, far out of my comfort zone at the moment. The lack of bricks and concrete, and abundance of fresh air and empty fields and SUVs and families and condos have kept me in a constant state of bewilderment since we moved to this end of town. How could anyone want this for themselves?

Life is too inaccessible out here. On quiet Saturdays, I used to spend the weekends downtown at the museum or library, or wandering some shops. Nowadays, I rarely venture out during the daylight on Saturdays, and the majority of the day is spent cleaning our gigantic house, trying to devise a plan so that Dylan and I can escape downtown for the night. I play a lot of Wii Tennis (sometimes until I feel a little faint), read books that I didn't want to read in the first place, put together outfits, and spend time wandering the big-box grocery stores. Other than this, I've been filling up my time by watching movies like a motherfucker.

Now, I like movies, don't get me wrong, but I don't typically have the patience to sit down for an hour and-a-half. Now, since I don't have anything better to do, I can even watch two in a row (wow!).
I guess, if the suburbs have given me one good thing, it's tons and tons of time to think about things that I wouldn't have ever had time to consider before.
For example, if you would've asked me about my favorite actor a year ago, I would've looked at you and shrugged my shoulders.

Nowadays, I can tell you that, without a doubt, this is my favorite actor:

He is my favorite because:

(a) He plays the same guy in pretty much every movie, and he plays it so well that you know that he's really not acting at all. This phenomena has also been seen in some of my other favorite actors, such as Woody Harrelson/McConaughey (these two are pretty much the same guy), and Tray-Mo.

(b) If you invite this guy over to your house to hang out, he's going to show up with an eighteen-count of Natty Ice, six dollars worth of sour soothers, and an econo-bag of Funyuns . Then, when you ask him what he wants to do for the evening, he'll pull out a copy of Donkey Kong Country for the Super Nintendo out of his jean-jacket pocket, and get genuinely baffled when you don't have the necessary equipment to play the game. You'll end up watching House Party 3 on VHS, and telling each other about the grossest thing you'd ever found on the Internet. Fun!

Anyway, I guess that living in the 'burbs isn't all bad (just mostly). I officially have a favorite actor, can keep up with movie references, my arms are tennis-tight, I have that twinge of pretentiousness that comes with reading a lot, my outfits are better than ever, I know where to get the freshest ethnic produce in the entire city, but I'm not happy here. Every time I have to ride the morning train with cocky suits coated in Axe body spray, and women carrying 2000 calories worth of Frappuccino in their re-usable Starbucks mugs, it kills me a little inside.

There's some good news in all of this, guys... A light at the end of our suburban tunnel.
We're breaking out of here. Soon.
The money we have saved by living in this hell-hole has allowed us to get a mortgage. At the bank.
We've been searching high and low for our perfect inner-city dream home. You heard me: we are putting real money into actual property. Prior to this, my real estate experience consisted of buying the railroads in Monopoly, and watching 'Flip This House' on A&E. The search has been slow and fruitless so far, but something's gotta give. Be prepped for the greatest housewarming party of all time.

Your pal,
~sarah p.

p.s. How are things going, guys? Good?