Monday, April 28, 2014


April rolled around again, and it was time for my annual vacation. I had hustled hard this year, enough to take both my sister and I to Jamaica, all expenses paid outright. I didn't intend on choosing Jamaica, or any particular location for that matter, but a good deal fell in my lap, in a stroke of luck that was almost divine, and the choice was made for me.

I don't take a vacation very often. I have a lot of shit on my plate, and my hands in many jars. Most years, I leave the country just to escape the bustle of life, the people that disappoint me, my job and my responsibilities, but my life has really had some big changes in the last year. I am balanced and happy, and don't have much to worry about now but whether or not the rap lyrics I'm penning on the weekends are any good (spoiler alert: they are), and if my body is truly bangin' enough to necessitate my extensive wardrobe of crop-tops (again, affirmative).

The moment people heard I was going to the Caribbean, they got a concerned look on their face. This happens almost every time I leave the safety of Canada, as I'm thick and blonde and like to get a little fucked up from time-to-time, and people assume that I'm going to be a total ditz overseas. I assure you, anything stupid I do outside of the country is entirely on my own accord. Alas, I was not concerned for my safety, but rather concerned that I show my sister a really fucking good time. In hindsight, I probably should have considered that this trip would not assist at all in my addiction to Dancehall and cheeba, or my affinity for ogling dark-skinned gentlemen, but part of me goes on vacation looking for all sorts of trouble anyway. I assured everyone repeatedly that I would bring my little sister, as well as myself, back in one piece in seven days.

We stepped foot in the Montego Bay airport in the early evening, and by late evening, were properly libated and bleary-eyed (thanks to the amazing, and might I add, adorable staff of the Royal Decameron). We swam in the ocean and held hands with old women on the street and immersed ourselves in general chaos and chased crocodiles and even a pretty severe bus accident didn't seem like much of a worry, so long as we were breathing the sweet Jamaican air. 

I left the Caribbean with a heavy soul, like I had left a small part of my heart behind. Now, I'm back to my work swag of fresh crew necks and glasses. I'm back to early morning walks with the dog. I'm back to my notebooks and pencils and responsibilities. I'm back to cooking my own damn food. I'm far, far away from where I was a few days ago. Those who have been reading my writing for years would know that I tend to fall in love fast, hard, and often foolishly. This time, however, I haven't fallen in love with a single person, but rather an entire country; a country I will surely revisit while my passion still burns bright.

Thanks for the memories, Jamaica.


~sarah p.

p.s. Alright, alright. Photos.

Jams Of The Week (Double-Time Cube Edition):

 ~sarah p.

p.s. If you don't like either of these songs, friends off forever.

Monday, April 14, 2014

Jean Jacket Weather.

It's finally the best weather of all: jean jacket weather. It is a time where I stop worry about what I wear being an expression of my spirit and individuality, and start saying to myself "fuck this noise, does this shit look good with a jean jacket over top?" (cheat sheet: there is very little that does not).

~sarah p.

p.s.  I leave three days from now to somewhere where jean jackets are major over-kill, and it is even more exciting than jean jacket weather. It just goes to show that sometimes, even if you feel like you've reached the peak of happiness, things can still get better. See you all in a week.

Saturday, April 12, 2014


The older I get, and the more I think, the more questions I have about childhood playground songs. Like, why did we feel that an Asian man is any more likely to pee-pee in my Coke, or stick his finger up his bum, than any other man? Who the fuck would go to the baseball diamond with earth-shattering diarrhea? Why is it so shocking to everyone that the Joker had the grace and skill to learn ballet? What do the beautiful country of France, and the historic city of London have to do with visible undergarments? Is the more we get together <, >, or = to the happier we'll be? Also, Popeye lived in a house and never in a garbage can, the worst place in the world to make out with someone is sitting in a tree, no one has ever farted somebody "all the way home", and there is no fucking way Jack and Jill celebrated 4/20. We all may have been young at the time, but we were morons for even repeating such idiocy without fact-checking the hell out of that shit.

Here are a few fresh new playground songs with a little more realism for today's kids:

1. Me Chinese, me no joke, me have most powerful and industrious folk. Me so smart, me so great, me take over entire world in 2028.
2. Jingle bells, Batman smells, went to see his MD. Peed in a cup, that's what's up, Robin gave him a VD.
3. I see London, I see France, I see two places that I'll never be able to afford underpants.
4. Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, and shattered his frown, and Jill found someone hotter.
5. The moooore foriegn debt we have, debt we have, debt we have, the more foreign debt we have, the greater chance of war.

Real talk, for the nine-and-under set. 

~sarah p.

Jams Of The Week (Outer Space Edition):

~sarah p.

Sunday, April 06, 2014

Jams Of The Week (Little Brother Edition):

~sarah p.

p.s. Years and years ago, I watched Little Brother live in Durham, North Carolina, and it is honestly the only time I've ever been a minority by being both the only white folk, and the only girl, in a room. 

Ten Guys That Are Looking Forward To Spring More Than You.

1. Creepy bird-watching guy.

2. Canadian tank top all-year-round guy (coincidentally, this same guy is usually a toque all-year-round guy as well).

3. Livin' outside guy.

4. Hippie guy that thinks that shoes are "foot prisons".

5. Winter jacket without a shirt on underneath guy.

6. Rides a bike without any regard for the weather guy (whether he admits it or not).

7. Guy that likes to get tanked by the bonfire out back guy (aka- my stepdad).

8. Walks his cat on a leash every day guy (who is honestly probably just stoked to be leaving his house anyway).

9. Guy that walks around my neighborhood with his dick hanging out of his pants. 

10. Windows-open beat-up Camaro guy that seems to listen to nothing but heavy guitar solos.

 ~sarah p.