Friday, January 28, 2005

It's official....

Today, I officially decided to kick myself out of the "cool kid club". I've been digging the new JLo song way too much for comfort. I've been running errands all day, and have been dancing around and singing it to myself non-stop. I'm pretty disappointed in myself. I was willing to forgive myself for loving Destiny's Child, Aaliyah, and Usher....This time, I've gone too far. It doesn't matter that most of the time, my musical tastes would be considered respectable...Being really into a JLo song is too much. I've had to turn in my official Cool Kid badge, t-shirt, and visor. It's a shame. Damn you, JLo...Why do your songs have to be so catchy?

I was out all day getting stuff done, but I ended up at North Hill mall around 5:30...My mom works in the teaching clinic behind there, so I called her to see if I could buy her dinner. Instead, she asked me to come over for dinner. My not-quite-stepdad is an assassin in the kitchen (BTW, remember when we went bowling last year in Connecticut, and I chose "assassin" as my name on the scoreboard, but it ended up displaying as just "ass"? I was unintentionally funny that night), so I said yes. I should have known better, because now it's 9:45, and I'm already a bit trashed. Where does my family get all of the wine from?

Okay, I'm pretty tired (and by tired I mean sauced), but I think it would be a good idea for me to run down to Karouzo's for 20 minutes, sing a 4-song set, and run back home before bed. I'll be in bed before 11, which hasn't happened in a very long time.


Thursday, January 27, 2005

True Stories of a Liquor Store Employee...

Thought I'd tell a few amusing tales today. I tried to tell one last night, but was a bit tipsy, as the rep from Soho liqueur came in and gave us way too many samples. Lots of crazy stuff happens at CSN. Without further ado:


The girls at work are really into this guy. I forget his real name, but the girls call him DILF. Everyone knows what a MILF is...Well, this is the same deal (however, I find this guy abnormally disgusting, so the whole "ILF" part of that equation doesn't quite apply to me). The rest of the girls at work (except for Melanie, who is much smarter than that) are crazy about this guy. He manages a well-known female band in town (not a good band, in my opinion, but a band nonetheless).

Anyway, last week, the girls invited DILF out for my birthday. We all arrived at the bar at about 10:30Pm. He had been there since 7PM, and was trashed to the scary point. He was playing "grabass" like it was going out of style, and kind-of taking it too far. I left that night with an even worse impression of him than I had before.

On Sunday, he comes to the store, coked-out as usual, and announces that he is moving the band to Dallas, and he wants the CSN girls to come with him to help out. Of course, in order to get the jobs, we would all have to sleep with him on a regular basis. Beyond Melanie and I, the rest of the girls are ecstatic...I don't think they've thought about the fact that they'd all be sharing DILF (sloppy seconds factor....not so good).

That's the problem with Calgary girls...Probably 75% of the Calgary girls I know have done something, ummm, immoral in order to get a job. It's pretty uncool.

Anyway, it's interesting to watch the girls buzzing around the store, all excited about moving to Dallas. I'm glad I'm smart enough to stay right where I am.

The Stockboy

There's this new stockboy in the back of the store. He's maybe 18, although sometimes I wonder if I should ID him when he comes in the store. Those who know me well know that I like pretty much everyone. There's something about this kid that makes me want to sit him in a chair and yell at him for hours. I feel like I should be lecturing him on how to be awesome, because right now he is not fun to be around at all.

Maybe I just miss our old stockboys...Kamal was a 38-year-old east indian guy who couldn't have been any more awesome if he tried. He was one of those people that you just want to start high-fiving and never stop. After Kamal left, Noah stepped up. Noah would sit in the back with me, give me Lucky Extras, and quote Napoleon Dynamite with me while we did inventory....Miss that kid a ton.

Anyway, so back to the new stock boy. He can't walk past you without saying something....Now, I know I talk a lot, but there's something to be said for silence once in a while. Everytime he walks past, he's saying "Working hard, or hardly working? Hahaha.", or "Are you drunk right now?", or "I'm so hungover, I was out partying with my homies last night.", or "What are you doing?".
It's gotten to the point where I don't even answer him anymore, I just kind-of shrug and avoid eye contact, no matter what he says.
Ever since I quit going to Subway, I haven't been eating much at work, but if anyone ever has food, he'll hang around them and passively try to mooch food from them. Nikki was eating some soup, and he walks in and says: "Wow, that soup looks good. My sister used to buy me soup like that. All I had to eat today was a moldy bun." Then, he stared at her soup for an odd amount of time. He tried the same thing with Selina today.....The strange part is that it seems like he's always eating. Yesterday, I saw him eat an entire bag of mini-carrots, a bag of microwave popcorn, a massive snickers bar, and some sort of pasta that his sister's boyfriend brought him.

Today, he showed up for work two hours late at 4PM, claiming that he blacked out last night, and woke up at 3Pm all confused.
The following is an exact conversation between him and Selina in the breakroom. We'll call him "N".

N: "What Are you doing?"
Selina: "Reading the newspaper."
N: "Oh. See anything good?"
Selina: "I don't know."
N: "What are you reading?"
Selina: "Ummm...."

I wouldn't be writing this if the young man was mentally challenged, but he is a healthy young lad with an actual high school diploma. I know, I don't get it either.

Some other random happenings:

-Today this woman walks into the store and hears the song "Drops of Jupiter" by Train. My new favorite website, You Have Bad Taste in Music, has already pretty much summed up my feelings for Train. Anyway, this woman stops dead in her tracks, says "I love this song", and proceeds to make up a rhythmic dance routine in the middle of the store. She was full-on rocking out. When it was over, she walked up to the counter like nothing had happened, and bought a huge bottle of whiskey.

-Yesterday, Andre found this huge box in the upstairs storage room. It was full of these jugs that look like chickens. When you pour out the liquid, it looks like the chicken is puking. I asked the owner if I could have one, and he said yes! I'll take some photos, because it is the greatest jug of all time. It will be my new sauce jug this summer at Ditto's...

-Today I saw this guy that had the greatest news anchor hair of all time. You know when Dave Chapelle dresses up like the news anchor on Chapelle's Show? He looked just like that, but he was being serious. I wanted to shake his hand for hours.

Okay, going to try to get some sleep, although it's not likely....

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

I'm officially calling shenanigans on karma...

Isn't karma supposed to be an eye-for-an-eye? I don't know, but it seems to be unnecessarily harsh lately. Granted, I've done some things in my life, and will probably continue to do things in my life, that deserve a good bitch-slap from karma, but sometimes I think it goes a bit far.

It's like if you ate your friend's donut, so they ran over your family with a monster truck. Not quite an eye-for-an-eye.

...Maybe I'm just wonky from the lack of sleep. I don't know.

Dear Mr. Paul Whitehouse,

Thank you so much for whole-heartedly burning Hampel on Ron's message board. I laughed for quite some time after reading it.

Missing camp a lot right now (and always).
Man, I love you guys.

...Life is good right now, but I'm getting tired out. Sleep hasn't been coming easily lately. I've had a few, umm, nice reasons to stay up some of the nights, but sometimes I'm awake all night for no reason at all. During school it was good to be an insomniac, but it's not so good anymore.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

A little note:

I cooked two meals in 24 hours. For anyone who questioned my abilities, I proved that I can cook....Just not very well.

Sunday, January 23, 2005

Link'd up...

So, I promised links a few days ago, so here they are....

Here's a great little flash animation. At first, it may seem boring, but trust me on this one.

25 best Family Guy moments of all time. Yeah.

Photos from the set of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Secret of the Ooze. Look at the guy in the suit...I like his hat. I wonder if he wears it sometimes when his head is inside the costume. I would.

Look! You can measure yourself up against all sorts of public figures. Apparently, I need to start hanging around Danny Devito, Janeane Garofalo, Kristi Yamaguchi, Nicole Eggert (remember her? She was a trainwreck.), Pat Benetar, and Tammy Faye Baker if I ever want to feel like I'm, ummm, a normal height.
I beat Gary Coleman by 4 inches....Take that, Arnold Jackson! That's what I'm talking about, Willis.

This is one of my favorite blogs.

Let's get serious for a second: I do not care for Nickelback. In fact, I'd like to challenge the lead singer to a cage-match. Hating Nickelback has brought some really nice things into my life....
Anyway, here's a dude that has made it his life goal to educate people about their poor choices in music.

The New York Times finally posted their "Year in Pictures". Always worth a look.

Here's a site full of astronaut photography...Pick a region of the earth, and have a look at it from space.

And now....Some shoutouts to some amazing artists:

-Mark Yamamoto, an incredible multimediast. Please check out his demo reel...It's shockingly good.

-Nick Barat, who is a great graphic designer and DJ, has a great little webpage.

-Mingering Mike's page is under construction at the moment, but should be back up soon.

-Here's a great street art site.

...I'm getting my slides together right now...It's time for a Calgary show. Calgary is not the best city to have a proper gallery opening, but I'm feeling very antsy, like I'm not moving forward at all...I need to get back into the old habits of living and breathing photography....That means not much of a social life, but maybe it's all worth it sometimes? I don't know.There's too many artists in this city, and not enough space. Bah.

I've been missing my CLC girls a lot lately (past and present members). I love you girls, and can't wait to live with you again this summer!

Hope everyone had a good weekend.

Saturday, January 22, 2005

A little belated birthday action.

Before I say anything, let's discuss Karouzo's, which is where we had the party last night. Karouzo's is a small-ish restaurant (which, by the way, has some pretty amazing food) with a lounge in the back. The patrons wouldn't ever be mistaken for the "cool kids". Almost everyone that goes there lives within a 5-block radius. Last night, the bar was full of a mix of liquor store employees, liquor store patrons, pool sharks, and people I pass by on a day-to-day basis. This one guy came up to me and was like "Hey! I know you...My dog tried to hump your dog."

I got pretty slaughtered last night. Luckily, the bar is 3 blocks away from my house, so getting home was not a problem. All of us drank a ton. I feel sorry for Melanie, who had to work at 10AM today. Maybe she called in sick, I would have....I've, ummm, been known to take an extra day off here and there due to, let's just say, exhaustion.

I was everyone's best friend last night. I was making people that I'd just met sing songs with me, I was giving out high-fives like it was going out of style...Pretty fun night.

The best line of the night came from Selina. She was talking to this guy, I think his name was Glen....We'll call him Glen.

Glen: "I just have to go and give my friends their coats, and then I'll drive you home."
Selina: "Okay. I just puked. Wait....Are your friends hot?"

...Maybe you had to be there.

Anyway, I'm feeling pretty okay today, surprisingly. Nice!

Melanie picked me up at about 10:30, and took this photo. You can almost see the halo around my head...The halo faded a bit with each gin and tonic, but was still there at night's end.

My favorite little frenchies, Melanie and Karine.

This is Melanie and I singing "Dancing Queen", or something else....I don't remember. People were dancing all around us, so it was either "Dancing Queen" or "Brick House".

My favorite co-worker, Melanie, and I.

Ben and Melanie and I...I look like a deer in headlights.

Ben was a bit upset, because this girl he was into was talking to another guy, so I made him come up with me to sing "Daydream Believer". I was a karaoke machine last night, but they didn't have "Jenny (867-5309)", which was the song that I really wanted to sing. I had to compensate by singing as many songs as I could.

I was pretty sauced by this point. Here I am with Melanie and Selina, and Karine is behind us. I love my little french pals.

This is Nik and Adam and I in a love-fest. I don't hang out with these kids enough.

Nikki called this photo "The trashiest photo of the night". However, notice how I was not the trashy one? That's right...I've been a good kid lately.

Friday, January 21, 2005

New tattoo??

After a long search....I think this is it. On a smaller scale, of course. Where do I put it?
I need to get some cash together first. Pretty sure I'm crazy broke right now. Every year around this time, the whole work visa ordeal slaughters all hope of actually having cash. Nicole, what agency are you going through this year? Bunac again? I'm not too sure about me...

Okay, I have so many great links to post, but I'll do it when I get up tomorrow...It's 4AM right now, and I need to get some sleeeeeeep.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

A little taiwanese action...

I talked to Rob this morning (it was nighttime for him). MSN is a beautiful thing...I can keep in touch with the boys during their adventures in Taiwan without those pesky long distance charges. Anyway, the boys are doing very well, but wow, I seriously miss them already.

Look! A list of the top MP3 blogs. Download songs until your heart is content (or until you begin to feel guilty about downloading stuff...You know, whatever comes first.)

Do you like sad web documentaries? You should.

Okay....How about adorable japanese animals?

I had a fun night.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

....Beacuse it's about damn time that origami got some respect.


So, the crazy kids at my work are throwing me a late birthday party on Friday. We're going for karaoke and cheap drinks at Karouzo's, which is 3 blocks away from my house (on 4th ST and 26th Ave NW)....We're meeting at 10:30-ish, so if you want to come, call me or e-mail me or just show up. It should be some fun times.

Monday, January 17, 2005

Trick question....

Do you enjoy Dave Chapelle? You see, it's a trick question, because it's impossible to not love Dave Chapelle.
Go check out some videos here.

Tonight was pretty great for a work night...The shift was short (only 6 1/2 hours!), I only got asked for my number twice (so I only had to say "uhhh...No thanks..." twice), Melanie and I had a bit of a mini-dance party, and when I walked home, it was downright balmy outside (3C!!!).

Hey, so you should go here and download some awesome free tracks (I particularly recommend checking out Cassius, The Meters, and The Beatnuts....Was anyone in the photo cabin in the summer when I made a bunch of kiddies get familiar with Take it or Squeeze it? Man, that's a good album). Be sure to have a look through the archives on the left-hand side of the page.

BTW, when I was walking home, the air smelled like camp for a moment...I'm not talking about raw sewage and rancid young men, but you know that nice smell when you get up in the morning and step out onto the little CLC cabin mini-porch to check the weather? That one.


In my whole life, I'd never met anyone with the same birthday as I have. However, in the past two days, I've met two seperate people with Jan 14 birthdays....And they were both ultra-awesome!

Saturday, January 15, 2005

Birthday fun.

Allison didn't tell me what we were doing tonight, she just told me to be ready by 8. I wore my "Facts of Life" shirt, and the belt that I pulled off of my bathing suit (I've never owned a real belt before, but the one off of my bathing suit seemed like a good idea tonight...It's pink!!!)
When Allison got here, we had some crackers and spent a bit of time with Jacob, then we began our fun.

So Allison and I began the night by showing up at a party full of Newfies and Westjet workers. If you've never been to a Newfie/Westjet party, let me tell you one thing: things can get a bit crazy. We left the party in the middle of a heated argument on how everyone was getting to the bar. By this time, I had already had a few beers, and the world seemed shiny and awesome.

We were going to show up at SAIT's bar, but it was flat-out shut down. So, we headed over to one of my old-school favorite neighborhood pubs, The Cat and Fiddle, where I had my first legal drink in Canada when I turned 18 (5 years ago...Holy cripes). We met a dude named Dallas that was this crazy drunken metal-head. He spent almost half an hour playing air guitar beside our table, then he got kicked out. It was pretty entertaining.

I don't usually like shots, I'm more of a gin and tonic girl, but I had a few tonight (along with my G&T, of course)....Even our sweet little waitress bought me a shot.

Pretty fun birthday. Tomorrow morning, Allison and I are going for breakfast at Lido's...The food is terrible, but they have these little jukeboxes on the table, and you can play "OPP" and "Rock You Like a Hurricane" while you eat. I love breakfast....It always helps me recover a bit quicker from the night before, and I'm certainly going to need some help tomorrow morning.


This is a photo of Jacob, my sister's dog, and I in my sister's room at my house. Something wacky happened, and there is a huge glowing orange square in the shot.

Allison and I at the Cat and Fiddle. Look how much I love Allison...She's great!

I don't get this photo...The lighting is creepy.

You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both, and there you have........... …

Friday, January 14, 2005

The Fun Police better come and get me.

Seriously. I plan to have some good times tonight.

Haven't really done much today...I guess that's a birthday present to myself. I did drop off a roll of film...Should have some pretty great photos on it.

Otherwise, I've just been taking it easy, listening to some Nick Drake, and trying to decide where to eat tonight. My family is taking me out for a meal, but I've promised myself that I couldn't drink until 8. I'll have to make that very clear to them.

Here is a list of stuff I want for my birthday that I'll never get:

-A Grey Kangaroo (a booze-filtering system...I could drink cheaply for the rest of my life).

-This 12". Word to the wise: it's available at BeatStreet in Vancouver ; ) .

-A personal bodyguard for at work. I like my job, but it's pretty creepy. I have a 50-year-old real estate agent stalking me, countless dudes that ask for my number every time they come in (no matter how many times I'm like " thanks..."), and a bunch of wacky alcoholics that try to steal money out of my tip jar every chance they get.

-Various plane tickets. I miss you guys!

-For all of my friends to begin trying to pay for things in tales of adventure. If someone at the store asks you "Cash or Credit?", then ask them if they'd like to hear a story instead...I'm pretty sure this could be the greatest trend ever, if I could only get it off the ground. Yes...Tales of adventure.

Hey! Ron's message board is back up and running. I totally missed it...It's too bad that all of the old stuff was erased. Ron is great.

By the way...Your life is not complete until you've heard Nina Gordon's cover of "Straight Outta Compton".
I loved this NWA track when it first came out, and I think I just fell in love with it all over again. Do it.

23. Yep.

So, it's 1:30am, and I got home from work a few minutes ago. I am now officially 23. I've been drinking Tiger beer at work for the last four hours, so this whole birthday deal seems pretty sweet right now....Maybe not so much when I wake up tomorrow. Plus, I drank a bunch of Jagermeister (my best friend at night while I'm drinking, and my worst enemy in the morning). Funny.

Allison has something planned, but she won't let me in on the secret. This is my first birthday in Calgary in 4 or 5 years. Promise some photos of the action.

I am so awake right now, it's not even funny. I was pretty lazy this morning, and slept until 11. I ate crazy great today, too. I'm a twice-a-day eater, usually. Sometimes only once (I know, Nicole, it's not good for me)...However, today I had three full meals. Everyone has been feeding me so well lately..... I like guys that can cook.

I have the greatest bruise from doing drunken counter-slides tonight. Pretty sure I should wear the bruise like a badge of honor.

...And then I found five dollars.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

I had no idea....

...But apparently, I know how to fix computers.

Last night, my computer was making some sad noises, so I was like "What's up, little buddy? Are you feeling okay?"
Then he was like "Yeah, I'm okay, I just need a little rest".
So, I turned him off for the night. This morning, I went to turn him on, and he kept making an effort to start up, but he just couldn't do it. I was a bit mad (and those who know me know that I don't usually get mad).
I went to work, and when I got home, I decided to try fixing him myself. This is the point in the story where I should caution you against trying to fix your own computer, it's probably not a good idea, and theoretically, I could have done a lot of damage. However....
I took off one of the sides of the tower and just kept turning screws inside. Then, I took one of my little paintbrushes and dusted the inside. Finally, I busted out some WD-40, and greased up some of the fans and stuff.
Anyway, I have no clue what I actually did, but when I plugged it back in, it worked. In fact, it is now booting up in half the time it was before.

I know, I don't get it either.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Bad-Ass, or Ass-Bad?

Those who know me well know that I love gum. I love it like nobody's business. Hubba Bubba just came out with the most disgustingly delicious idea ever.....Picture this: a huge rope of gum wrapped around a core of some kind of sugar paste. You can't eat this thing nicely...You just bite off huge chunks like ravenous wolf. It's pretty funny. One time, Allison offered me a bite of hers, and I ended up chewing the entire thing. I felt pretty bad, so when I was at the store last night, I made sure I bought her one. This is one of the sickest inventions ever (however, I'm not trying to fool myself, they are also so crazy-ass disgusting that most people will never buy them). Soooo radical.

Sunday, January 09, 2005

Excuse me, I believe you have my stapler... (Alternate title: Top-notch first dates, and the stuff you wish you could know about them, but can't.)

Tonight at work, Matt, my manager, says " I don't feel like doing any actual work tonight. We are not allowed to do any proper work tonight, okay?"
So I'm like "No problem."
I spent my entire night making jewelry out of staples. Like my bracelet? You can make your own with a row of staples and eight hours of free time.
When I get bored, I like to start huge projects, and then I try to finish a bit of the project every day. For example, in high school, I was in this math class that was way too easy, so I was always bored to tears. So, I started drawing this huge scene of a trailer park that covered the whole span of the desktop. Every day, I would draw a new trailer or a some new trailer trash. I worked on it for two months, and every square of the desk was covered with this fun trailer park scene. One day, I went into class, and the desks had been washed. Still, it certainly passed the time.
Sooooo....At work, I'm thinking of starting a huge project involving staples. Possibly some sort of statue? I don't know yet.

Hey! So I had the best first date ever last night. You heard me, the BEST. Yeah....I'm not going to say any more, but I'm pretty jazzed about the whole deal.

Here's a good thing to watch. It's a Letterman Top Ten list with Napoleon Dynamite. The link sucks pretty hard (and you have to have realplayer). When you get to the page, refresh your browser and the little realplayer window should pop up. It loads pretty slowly, but I'm pretty sure it's worth the wait.

Pretty tired, so I'm going to go to bed soon. Allison, call me and let me know what your schedule is (and don't let "the man" work you too hard....You need days off, too).

Birthday in T-Minus 6 days. Son of a bitch. I don't even know what I'm doing.

BTW: Cut the waist off another pair of pants tonight....Good pants turned into great pants. Props to Melony for teaching me how to make my pants look radical. Props to Melony for being Melony. I need to get down to Cali for a visit. Possible CLC roadtrip? Holla.

Love you guys. Night.

Friday, January 07, 2005

Dear Homeless Guy,

Thank you for being so awesome.

Sarah P.

Today I realized how much I miss Rob and Jon. I'll miss them even more when I'm in CT this year. I'm working on a list of mandarin phrases for them, spelled phonetically, to make life a little easier while they are over there. I'm not talking about phrases such as "Which way?", or "I don't understand". They can find those phrases in any travel book. Rob and Jon have special phrase needs. For example, they are going to want to know how to say "Hold on, my ninja suit is in my bag", or "Have you seen AVP?"
I should have the list done soon. I hope they're doing well, Taiwan is so far away.

I'll be 23 in a week. Creepy.

Thursday, January 06, 2005


Check out my sweet new ride. I got it in a pack of batteries. You know you want it.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

You can say that again.

....Had a bunch more awkward compliments today, but this time they were so awkward that they're probably not very much fun to read. Note to self: when I give a compliment to someone, make sure it isn't something that will make them run home and write in their blog in a post entitled "Awkward Compliments".

Hey! So the plans aren't definite yet, but I think that on Friday, I have going to have a Napoleon Dynamite party (Allison hasn't seen it yet). So, if you want to come, you should probably e-mail me or call me or something. I will supply the mini bottles of whiskey.

Allison keeps pushing me to have a gallery show in Calgary, but I haven't found a lab in town that I trust with my film yet. There's one place on Centre St and 16th Ave that does a good job, but it also costs $30 to develop a roll of C-41 B&W with proofs (and that's when they're printed on color paper)....He always offers to print it properly on B&W paper, but it would end up costing me an arm and a leg. Plus, if my negs are going to be printed on proper B&W paper, I want to be the one printing them. I want to find a lab that's as great as Island Prolab in Victoria. I've tried about 12 different places here, and I am not impressed. E-mail me if you know of any good Calgary labs.

Feel better, my darling little Allison.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Last night of my 3-day weekend.

On the way to the Ship & Anchor, Allison told me a story about one time when she was at the airport, and she heard someone named "Velvet Johnson" being called over the loudspeaker. This prompted me to write "Velvet Johnson" in the frost on her windows. Then, I won $15 at the bar after I was dared to drink an entire pint of Guiness through a straw.

Before the bar, Allison and I went to the mall. I got this sweet sweater for $10! It's awesome when Allison takes photos.

Monday, January 03, 2005

Snack-Pack? You're the coolest!

For my mom and not-quite stepdad's New Year's resolution, they decided to cut all processed foods out of their diet (not quite as good as my resolution). They cleaned out all of their cupboards, and guess who got a massive amount of delicious snacks? That's right.
Everyone needs to come over to my house.....
I will make you the best fucking snack you've ever had.
After you finish the snack, you will be laying on my couch, unable to move because you feel so snacktastic.

My mom and drove out past Cochrane to visit Peso, my sister's horse, today. She's been away for a few days, and we needed to check up on him. Anyway, so we're driving, and I ask my mom about the whole vacation thing again. She is keeping straight-up quiet. Here's the thing: my mom likes when I tell her stories. So, I ask her if I can tell her a story in return for a little more info on the whole vacation deal (if you have no idea what I'm talking about, read the previous post).
She says that she will tell me more if it is a really good story, so I pull something out of my head that I think she might enjoy.

...This one time, I found some old longjohns at my house. Because they were men's longjohns, they had a little wang pocket in the front. I had some friends coming over, so I wore them to answer the door. After hours of convincing, I was able to make most of them think that they were revolutionary longjohns for girls, and the pocket in the front was a snack pouch ( I had to illustrate this by putting a whole bag of chips in my pants). Then, after they were starting to believe me, I was like "Nope, I was just joking, it's actually a wang pocket". They all looked at me in a disgusted way for spending so much time on a lame-ass prank.

My mom liked the story, so she told me a bit more about the whole vacation ordeal. When my great-grandma died, she left my mom some money. Most people would just pay bills and stuff with the cash, but my grandma's instructions were for my mom to spend it on something fun with my sister and I. So, my mom wants to take us on a warm vacation. She doesn't get the money until August, so she figured we'd probably take it next winter, which means that we have a ton of time to plan.
It's going to be a bit rough, as we have to all agree on a destination, and we're all very different people. I'm used to traveling alone, and doing whatever I want, whenever I want. My mom said that I was supposed to think up the most relaxing vacation I could, and describe it to her. So I was like "Okay, we go to this little private beach and stay in a hut and get sauced and go swimming in the ocean all day". Then my mom reminded me that my sister wouldn't ever agree to stay in a hut, and probably wouldn't swim in the ocean, so we need to stay in a nice hotel with a pool. So now I'm trying to think of places with hotels and stuff, but also a kick-ass beach where I can swim that's not too crowded. If we go to Mexico or Hawaii or Jamaica, I'm afraid that I'm going to get stuck doing a bunch of touristy shit (which, to be fair, would probably be really fun if I was sauced), so I'm trying to find a place that's a bit more secluded.
Any new suggestions?

Sunday, January 02, 2005

C'mon...Puke and rally, don't be a bitch.

...I'd just like to thank Chris Tucci for what is most possibly the best phrase ever said. Every time I think that it may not be a good idea for me to get trashed, I just think of Tucci, and realize that I'm a bitch if I don't.

So, my family had a pretty rad meal, and yes, I hit the bottle pretty hard again.

My mom had an interesting request for me today. She asked me to list the top three warm vacation spots I'd like to visit. Then she said that I couldn't ask why. Anyway, I'm having a rough time making the list. Anyone want to help a brother out?

Here are a few ideas:

-British Virgin Islands

...I think Brazil is definitely on my list, but I have no clue about the other two.
What would you say?

Before I go, I think something is long overdue. Quite often, I sing the praises of the CLC. All members, past and present, are the hottest, most awesome girls alive. However, I tend to leave out a few key characters.... There are certain members of the CLC that people often forget about (probably because they are blinded by the other CLC member's hotness). So, tonight I will give a huge shout-out to Murray, Tricky Pete, Julius Macchio, Charlotte, and Slippery Steve (but not that bitch Tiffani). Love you guys!

Saturday, January 01, 2005

New Year's Photo Extravaganza!

New Year's Eve didn't turn out anything like I expected. Don't get me wrong, I had a blast, but it was totally, totally different than planned.

So, I got home at about 9 from work. I had been drinking at work since about 5, so I was already a bit tipsy. I got in the bath, and changed my clothes, and drank some more. Allison got to my house at 10:45, and we were going to go to a party. However, the party was supposed to be at Ryan's house (the same place as the classic Halloween party, check back in the October archives for photos), and Ryan decided to move. Who the hell moves on New Year's Eve? Anyway, so we were still supposed to meet up with Shannon and Shawn. We call Shawn, and he picks up his phone,and tells us he's at a party. The problem? He's so unbelievably wasted that he doesn't know where he is. We talk to Shannon, and she's not quite sure either, so we agree to meet up at Denny's at 4AM (this plan fell through as well when we got way too sauced to even phone a cab).
So then, I remember that there's a party not too far from my house that we can go to. A bunch of people from work were going to be there, and I like almost everyone from work. Almost everyone. There's this one girl who would definitely be there, and she sucks at life. She's mean, and cranky, and clingy. I decided that I didn't want to risk having to hang out with her all night.

So, with all of our plans in the gutter, we decided that if we weren't going to go out to any parties, then we better have a mini party at my house. This is when I started drinking hard. Allison calls this dude she knows, and he heads over, and the three of us had a fantastic time. Oh, yeah, and the clock struck midnight somewhere in there. No New Year's kiss for me this year, but New Year's kisses sometimes lead to other shit that you might regret later (Not that it's ever happened before) . So, no New Year's "mistakes" this year. Allison, you should be proud of me.

Highlights of the night included:

-The best new drink sensation, Bailey's and Amaretto on the rocks. Yeeeaaaa Boyeeeee.
-Going out for a run in my backyard in the snow (it was -27 last night!).
-Playing "experimental bartender". I felt like I was in high school.
-Allison and I deciding that we should become plumbers.
-Dancing around to some Tribe Called Quest, MC Chris, Pharcyde, and Hieroglyphics. If I can't swim when I'm wasted, dancing is the next best thing. I miss the lake (Nicole, I'm winking in your direction).
-Allison calling Chris and Shauna's answering machine and leaving the worst "Happy New Year" message I've ever heard.

Fun times.

I am not feeling too well today, I drank like a fish last night, and was not a "smart drinker". Usually, when I go out drinking, I stick with gin and tonic. Anyone who has spent time with me at Ditto's knows that I can pack away massive amounts of gin and tonic without much of a hangover the next day. However, last night I drank 2 bottles of champagne, a beer, Bailey's and Amaretto, and for good measure (and to show some respect to the greatest bartender in the world, Mad Dog), I made myself a good cup of sauce. For those who don't know, when you go to Ditto's (my nightly hangout in Connecticut), you walk up to the bar and say "Make me some sauce." You don't know what Mad Dog is going to pour into your cup, but it will be 98% booze, and it almost always tastes delicious. Now, I'm not a genius, so I couldn't re-create the infamous "Jug of Pink Sauce", but I did pretty well. I poured 2 of my little bottles of whiskey in my hulk cup. Then, I added rum, Chambord, and iced tea. Not too shabby.

I really have to fight this hangover, my family always has a big meal on New Year's (New Year's is our big family holiday), and they've made it very clear that I must get sauced tonight. My sister is still in BC, so she'll miss the meal, which kinda sucks. However, it's pretty nice to have the house all to myself.

Okay, must go have a bath, which is a New Year's tradition in our family. When I tell people about it, they look at me like I'm crazy (moreso than usual). Has anyone else ever heard of this?

Before I go, let's talk about my New Year's resolution (there's a quick story behind this one).
So, about 6 years ago, I found the best pair of snowpants that has ever existed at a thrift store. They were metallic teal green, someone had hemmed them to exactly my height, and there was a huge button on the front that held them all together. They had been sewn together so many times that they looked like frankenstein snowpants. In other words, they were beautiful. I began to wear them everywhere. Need to go to the store? Okay, just let me put on my snowpants.

So, at the time I was living with my mom and sister. They hated the snowpants. They would sometimes steal them and hide them in the freezer, but I would always find them and wear them even more for spite. I wore them all the time for probably 3 months, and then they fell apart. It was a sad, sad day.

Anyway, so my New Year's resolution is to find the second-best snowpants that have ever existed.

I was soooo jazzed about this mini bottle of champagne I got from work.

Look at it...It's adorable!

Allison took a photo of Jacob and I in the snow. Allison smokes, but I don't allow her to in the house, so we hang out in my backyard quite a bit, and I run around in the snow. Sorry to say it, but I friggin' love snow.

Allison busted out my ukelele for a bit. Her skills rocked my entire house.

This is me kicking out some jams for our little mini party. If you look closely, you can see that I'm wearing my awesome pink shoes. I decided that they weren't getting enough play. I'm going to start throwing them in the outfit rotation more often.
Jake and Zoe are "helping" me chose some CDs (I think they chose some Pharcyde). Zoe is going home in a couple of days, which kinda sucks. Jake misses Zoe when she's not around.

I love Allison's name-tag. It says "Hello, my name is: ME!" Except she wrote it upside down. I think that's a pretty good indication of the state of mind we were in by that point.

My name-tag said "Finnigan the Great". Name-tags only cost a dollar for a pack, but in terms of fun, they're priceless. We took this photo at about 5AM, and I think I passed out shortly after this.