Tuesday, September 11, 2007

The VMAs- Some Afterthoughts (It's Britney, Bitch)

The VMAs are the best award show, because things get really out of hand really quickly. None of the other awards shows have near the amount of general debauchery and mayhem. I think one time someone got sent home from the Emmys for sneaking a beer from their dad's garage fridge and drinking it in the bathroom, but that's about as hardcore as the other awards shows get. The VMAs are just full of fights and random hook-ups, which is what makes it so exciting to write about. Here's how the show broke down:

-Let's get any and all Britney discussion out of the way right now. Look, after years of being the joke of the entire universe, I don't know why anyone would think that ol' Leatherface Spears could pull the most amazing performance out of thin air, single-handedly saving her career. The bitch is so far off of her rocker by now that it doesn't even matter anyway, right?

-In a time where shoulder-pads are coming back into style for the ladies (read that somewhere the other day), the freshest dudes are taking style cues from Kim Mitchell, and even my own closet looks like it's 'just joking', I'd like to think that most style rules really don't apply anymore. As a matter of fact, lately I've been saying that, in terms of recent fashion trends, it's not about what clothes people wearing, but who is wearing them. However, I retract that statement entirely when it comes to Lil' Mama's atrocity of an outfit. In 1993, kids were graduating from acid to MDMA, and everyone was walking around wearing plastic soothers for like a week. The trend died out quickly, mainly due to the fact that pacifiers past the age of two make you look like a super-tard. This outfit should have stayed buried in the ground, right beside those gross little trolls with the puffy hair.

-Why the hell does Timba have to try and steal Timbo's thunder all of the time? I understand that getting up on stage with Justin will probably pay off, ass-wise, later in the evening, but there was really no need for Timbaland to pretend he did anything more than recycle a few beats, flip a few switches, and say "Timbaland" and "Yeah" a few times on the album.

-Audrina, LC, and Whitney (aka-The Good Team) got to present the award for Male Artist of The Year. Unfortunately, Heidi and Spencer were unable to present, as the VMAs don't have a category called "Douche of The Year".

-Kanye? Still awesome. Silverman? Would probably switch teams for.

-I didn't think it was possible, but looking at Cee-Lo makes me feel kind-of thin.

-It's tough being a washed-up rock guy. So, if you run into another washed-up rock guy during an Alicia Keys performance, you should probably just shake hands or hug, as opposed to bitch-slapping them.... Have some fucking empathy, man.

363 days till the next VMAs... Mark your calendar!

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