Monday, January 26, 2015

The Worst Of Urban Outfitters- Worst Pants Edition:

If you've ever though that the crotch of your pants might be a sweet place to store things, then kangaroo-jump yourself into this fine number.

When I pull on a pair of leggings for the day, the first thing I assess is whether or not my fat is bulging out anywhere. With this pair of leggings, no need to look in the mirror: it's all bulge, and nothin' but.

Speaking of bulge,why not let those hip bulges "breathe" in these sassy tights?

And you know what? If society says you have to wear pants or risk getting arrested, why not just wear pants without sides? Fuck you, society.

If your hippie art teacher from seventh grade has served as continuous fashion inspiration for the last twenty years, then OU's got your back with these flowy printed sacks.

On the topic of sacks, why not make your ass look like one in these lace-up cargo capris, on sale for $80?

If you're really concerned about your lower half, why not go for a snappy number that's half clown-car, and half "baby trying on daddy's pants"? It's sure to drive away those pesky sexual-harassers.

Be your very own "genie in a bottle" with this half-mesh piece. As a bonus, these pants feature an inseam that wouldn't work on any body, so there's no need to try them on- they'll look terrible no matter your leg-length!

What's better that one wacky print on outerwear pajamas? What about seven whole prints. You're welcome, slobs.

~sarah p.

p.s. Again, please don't sue me, Urban Outfitters. I think we can both agree that your pants are terrible.

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