Sunday, July 05, 2015

Ten Stampede Inevitabilites:

1. If you do not work at an oil company, you are going to spend the next week jealous of those who are expected to be at "work" at 9AM sharp, with the first cold Budweiser of the day in their fist.

2. Bars start serving booze at 8AM, so the morning walk to work is about 78% more sexual-harrassy than usual.

3. If you are allergic to decorative bails of hay, be prepared to spend the next week in itchy pre-anaphylaxix.

4. Free pancakes are good, but waiting for twenty minutes at the mall, behind a bunch of old ladies in western wear, to get a free pancake is actually an exercise in patience.

5. If it CAN be deep-fried, you best believe that Stampede food vendor are going to try it, even if the end result is going to be far from delicious.

6. Any and all ex-boyfriends, in the middle of a three-day Stampede bender, will fire off a text to see if you are Stampeded enough to be DTF.

7. "Western wear" can be very loosely interpreted. Very.

8. Even the rowdiest cowpokes have their limit, as illustrated by the adorable sleepy Stampeders passed out on the benches of the local park in the morning, and the piles and piles of puke EVERYWHERE.

9. Even if you only live a few blocks from where the fireworks are being set off, you will miss them every single night.

10. The cultural appropriation will be out. of. hand.

~sarah p.

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