Wednesday, April 01, 2009

G'head Mr Phoenix (You go, boy!).

I'll be honest, I like where this guy's career is heading. Really, I think you can only a mega-attractive actor for so long before you decide to just go right ahead and chuck your reputation in the dirt.

I could be wrong, but it must be fucking boring to be a mega-superstar. Your hair has to look nice all of the time, you can't beef up on delicious Los Angeles tacos, you can't get busted with any paraphernalia in your pocket, or get fall-down drunk in public. You have to date dull model-types (way less fun), and pick your movie rolls very carefully. I don't think any sane person could keep on this path forever (look what happened to Tom Cruise, right?).

Truthfully, I could probably stand to be a do-gooder celebrity for about a month, and not a second more. You know.... The type that shows up to charity events in tasteful attire without even a hint of booze on their breath. You know what? Scratch that. I don't think I could do it for even a month. I'd probably show up at those types of events and make some sort of distasteful comment or something, and then what happens?!? Exactly. Perez Hilton won't get off your ass, and you're stuck giving an apology to the whole world on a 'very special' episode of Oprah. Awful.

It's a well-proven fact that do-gooder celebrities fall much, much harder than celebrities with previous drug charges, sex tapes, and/or other various scandals. This is where Joaquin Phoenix really shines. It's not like the guy has a rap-sheet a million miles long or anything, but he started off his career with just enough dirt to allow him to take any future path that he may choose (whether that be a fruitful high-profile acting career, or a Lohan-style jump off the deep end).

Let's do a quick rundown:

Bizarre cult upbringing? Check.

More than one legal name-change? Check.

Overdose in the family? Check.

PETA affiliation? Check.

Sounds to me like all of the recent weird-ass rap stunts put this fella riiiiiight on track.

So what if he was the hottest guy in the world for a while in the late nineties? So what if he had an Oscar-nominated performance in Walk the Line? Now's really the time for him to go buck-wild, throw some EZ combs in his hair (by the makers of Turbi-Twist and Hairgami!), and start a homeless rap career. If you ask the average person on the street about the curent state of Joaquin's career, they will shrug their shoulders and say: "I ain't mad at that".

Could this all be some sort of wacky publicity stunt? Possibly. Is there a chance that he is just fucking around, and is in the middle of making some sort of brilliant mockumentary with Casey Affleck? Well, those celebrity siblings do tend to stick together (plus, I bet there's a 100% chance that Ben Affleck's brother has access to great weed).

Anyway, the whole point of all of this needless rambling was to offer my full support of Joaquin's newfound lunacy. Perhaps I need an engaging hobby (beyond geeking out on Eastbound and Down, getting trashed, and youtubing 80's disco videos).

~sarah p.

No comments: