Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Shameless Promotion.

Look, I'm not here to tell you what to do. I really can't force anyone to do anything. However, just do me a quick favor and look at this photo of Dylan and I.... Such a promising young couple. Look into our bright little eyes; so full of hopes and dreams. Our import beer bottles are full, we've got high-quality food in our stomachs, we've got new shirts on our backs, and we're probably about to hit the town with our pockets full of coins. We'll head home late in the evening, laughing as we fall into our soft queen-sized bed covered in luxurious sheets. Do you want to take this away from us?

How's this for shameless promotion:

Go to Dylan's store and buy things, or we will starve to death. We will end up naked on the streets. We won't even be able to live in a cardboard box, because Dylan is too tall, and we will need the box for it's nutritional value (mostly fibre). They probably won't let us stay in the homeless shelter, because Louise is too loud. If we want booze, we'll have to make it ourselves out of rainwater, the donuts we fish out of the dumpster behind the Tim Horton's, and some old ripped underpants we found on the highway. Nobody will speak to us because if you're drinking booze that you made from old underpants, you're going to smell like booze made from old underpants. Pretty soon, we'll lose all of our limbs from our poor hygiene habits, and we'll have to crawl around like slugs.

Just try and ask people for a "little bit of spare change" when you're dirty, homeless, naked, slithering around on the ground, reek of underpants-booze, and have a screaming old cat following you everywhere.... Not gonna happen.

Anyway, the point of all this is to promote Frontside's fresh new blog!


Check out the blog, then turn fantasy into reality by hopping in your car and making the breathtaking drive from Calgary to Okotoks to buy some fantastic merchandise. We've got a mortgage to pay, son.

~sarah p.

p.s. Did I tell you guys that already? We bought our inner-city dream home!
Get ready for a summer full of BBQs and backyard get-togethers.
Fuck the suburbs.

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