Sunday, June 01, 2014

This Just In.

I'm just going to come right out and say it: I have a real thing for newscasters. I'm not talking about the local dudes that you see every night at 6 and 11, the ones you see kind-of tipsy at the Folk Fest every year. No, I'm talking about national and international newscasters from big network TV. I'm obsessed. Here are my top 3:

Watching Don Lemon get really serious during interviews, to the point where he takes his glasses off to focus more intently, has been my jumpoff for the past few months. Don Lemon. Get at me. I know you don't really like girls, but I would like to see if I can change your mind.

I have spent an unusual amount of time scheming on ways to meet Chris Hansen. I have it down to running a Nigerian Ponzi scheme, or luring him with a suggestive screen name. I'll use something like "Iloveboyz1982", and when I come around the corner and Chris Hansen pops out from behind a curtain, I can have a good laugh and explain that I just really love Boyz II Men. Then, we'll slow-dance to 'End Of The Road' while the cameras roll. It's a plan that is as clever as it is realistic.

Looks-wise, David Muir has a real Scott-Disick-but-taller thing going on, and the cockiness to match. The way he condescendingly throws news at the viewer on 20/20 in his crisp Tom Ford suits implies that he would be a rather dominant lover. You know, the kind that makes you hate yourself a little for enjoying your time together so very much.

This just in. Call me, newscasters.

~sarah p. 

p.s. Honorable mentions: A. Coops, Greg Kelly, Bill Hemmer, Richard Lui, Thomas Roberts, and, now that he's probably high 24/7, Dr. Sanjay Gupta.

p.p.s. This week, I am off to LA. I will probably love it a lot, and may not return. We'll see.

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