Friday, August 22, 2014

Five Observations From Recent Rap Shows:

1. Rap shows are the only time anyone under the age of 40 ever orders cognac, or cognac-based liqueurs.
2. I have now seen a million different gold pieces hanging on chains studded with diamonds and rhinestones, in all different shapes (Captain Crunch, turntables, and an angry lion are just some prime examples), and not unlike your average magpie, I am extremely dazzled by it all.
3. There are these dudes that show up to most of these concerts that appear to be hype men. They wear sunglasses, despite the rather dark atmosphere, and crawl up on stage, for no reason other than to sway around and drink beer. Nobody seems to stop them, but the only person they actually seem to be hyping is themselves.
4. Hipster dudes at rap shows. Amiright, people? From the clueless hand signs that they keep throwing into the air, to the awkward air-swiping and clumsy grinding, to the part where they have to stop rapping along to the lyrics when the n-word comes up, to the part where they check on their phones halfway through the concert to see if they are still supposed to think the artist is cool or not, it's clear that nobody ever outlined basic rap show etiquette to these guys.
5. Rap shows are ass for days. The only way you ever see more ass-cheeks in one room is to watch a Nicki Minaj video. I like to absorb as much ass-based fashion as I can, and take mental notes like: "crop-tops are a great way to highlight what you've got", and "it's okay to show a little under-cheek, even well into your 30's". Obviously, I am forever in debt to rap shows for this knowledge.

~sarah p.


Anonymous said...

Do you have Tumblr page?

I suspect it would be fabulous - much like this blog.

~sarah p. said...

Dearest stranger,

Thank you for your kind words!

Due to a crippling and nonsensical fear of technology, I have not forayed into the world of Tumblr, Instagram, Twitter, or any form of media developed after the mid-2000s. Instead, I choose to write on the same archaic, albeit trusty, platform as the day I started blogging. Should I ever join the rest of humanity in embracing newer, significantly better interfaces, I promise you will be the first to know.


~sarah p.