Friday, December 11, 2015

Onward And Upward (Some Pre-Winter, Pre-Moving Thoughts):

 ~Why did I spend $8 on a potato-chip chocolate bar at the bookstore when a bag of Lays and a Dairy Milk is probably $3? I'll tell you why: white privilege. That, or just regular, run-of-the-mill stupidity.

~It's humbling to realize that you just went well over your data plan because you spent all last month studying Phillip Bailey and Phil Collins' 'Easy Lover' in depth. On the real, though, those two look like they were having a fucking blast every single time they sang together.

~I sold my house! I hope the new owners like lonely, mentally ill neighbors that reek of stale smoke, and a very loud child with very Christian parents stomping above their head all fucking day. Actually, scratch that, I could care less if they like it here. My heart's not that big.

~I decided to join every other human under 74 in the country and cut off my home phone, which is awesome because I still have yet to figure out how to hold my iPhone in a way allows me to be audible to the human on the other end. I spend most of my conversations with the other person saying things like "speak up", or "are you holding the phone weird?", or "can you call me on your home phone?".

~I was given a free on-demand rental from the fine people at Shaw, and somehow convinced myself that the most worthy rental would be "Unaccompanied Minors". I'm not sure how to describe how I felt just after I pressed the 'rent' button on my remote. Shame, remorse, and genuine excitement to see how those kids get stuck in an airport over Christmas.

~Once again, I hired movers. Fuck your massage. Fuck your facials and manicures. There is no better way to pamper yourself than to watch a coupla dudes lug your boxes and suitcases and heavy Ikea book cases while you slam an eggnog latte and listen to the Dance Mix 1992 CD on the Discman you found while packing.

~I am going to be back in 1996 for two weeks. That is so say, I will be without internet while I set up my new, awesome life. See you in the new year, Zuckerberg.

~sarah p.

p.s. I love you guys! Happy 2016!

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