Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Do it for yourself!

Hi guys. A quick note; please leave your shirts on when you're downtown.
Look, I know it's hot, and I'm sorry you're stuck in your suit all day, but the truth is, it's tough to look good and be comfortable at the same time (and suits? They sure do look good, if worn correctly).

I spend a part of every single weekday downtown. I see a lot of men in suits, and most of those men are fucking it up royally. Here are some of the major suit-mistakes I see on a daily basis:


Some guys seem to think that the moment they slap on cologne in the morning, they are more charming, classy, and attractive. Truth is, if I wanted guys to smell like the second floor of Sears, I'd hang out at the mall a whole lot more.

Poor Shoe-Choices:

Steel-toed Lugs. Are you trying to give some more street-cred to your work clothes? Honestly, there are very few ways to add street-cred to office attire, and none of them are very easy. For example, if you interchanged that tribal arm-band tattoo peeking out from beneath your checkered short-sleeve button-down for a prison tattoo (or at the very least, something not inked on you by a guy with rich and very supportive parents), then you've really got it made.

Now, you guys know how I feel about sandals in general (only okay for backyard, beach, and maybe if you're amazingly hungover), but sandals with a suit is probably one of the worst offenses in fashion. Look, when the public can see your toes peeking out from underneath your dress-pants, it doesn't look 'summer-classy-casual' or 'trendy-European', it looks like 'lazy-ass with foot disease'.

If you want to make your office-wear all summery and fresh, just take off your tie, rumple up your suit a bit, find a nice plain v-neck, and dig out your old boating loafers and wear them without socks... Thank me later, when you're probably smothered in so much ass that it's hard to breathe.

Alternate suit-jackets:

I know it's not always feasible to wear a suit-jacket. This doesn't mean that it's okay to switch up and wear a track-jacket instead. We live in the richest province in Canada, and this means that you're not allowed to dress like you just got out of your very first interview at a rug factory in Regina. Although a suit-jacket is the most charming option, suitable alternatives include a Cosby sweater, a sweater-vest (pretty adorable, depending), or even no jacket at all!

....It's really not rocket-science.

Let's face the facts: girls like to see guys in suits because it makes them look like a responsible fella that probably won't get too mad when asked to dress up for his own wedding. Really, though, don't just do it for the ladies... Do it for yourself! You're not getting any younger, and the only way you're probably going to trick your boss into thinking you're a model employee is if you dress the part (and pretend to look busy all day by making a mad-face at your computer screen).

If you're lucky enough to work in a job where they let you dress however you want (I get that perk in my office, because there's a decent chance that I could get Hep-C blood splashed on me at any moment), then these rules don't even apply. However, for such a smart and prosperous city, we look like a bunch of bumpkins and skids that just cleaned their act up and got a job downtown (don't even get me started on the ladies). This city's corporate world really needs to get themselves together. Stat.

~sarah p.

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