Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Tuesdays are made for Shaq.

Tuesday nights are the biggest "what to do?" night in the city. Sometimes, on hot nights like these, it's best to just put the rotating fan out in the living room and see what kind of shit network TV is cranking out. There was a time a few years ago where I barely watched TV at all, and quite frankly, I was really missing out.

For example, have you seen the new show where Shaq hangs out with a bunch of fat kids? It's both hilarious and heartwarming, which seems to be the way that ABC rolls nowadays (Wifeswap? Extreme Makeover? You guys know what I'm talking about).
The best part was in the very first episode, where Shaquille O'Neal knocks on the fat kids' doors, and they all pretend to know who he is (really, the only time that kids these days say Shaq's name is when they make fun of the logo on the broke-ass kid's hand-me-down gym shorts). These kids didn't live through Shaq's rap career, see the richest kid in their school rocking Shaq Attacks in three different colorways, and they certainly haven't sat through Kazaam a handful of times.
p.s. I read somewhere in one of those useless movie-fact lists that the kid from Kazaam is distantly related to Francis Ford Coppola..... There must be a special kind of disappointment attached to the fact that, while you're busting your ass filming The fucking Godfather, one of your distant relatives is out there making a flick about an ex-NBA star dressed as a genie that lives in a magical boombox.

Anyway, point is: watching a bunch of fat kids sweat like it's a hot day in hell, while Shaq goes through a wide range of over-acted emotions, is a pretty entertaining way to waste a Tuesday night. If anything, Shaq has taught us that, so long as you keep pulling nutty publicity stunts (remember Officer Shaq?) and churning out sappy reality TV, you can hold onto that last glimmer of fame forever and ever and ever.

~sarah p.

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