Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Homemade diamonds are a girl's best friend.

I used to say that it was a good thing that I wasn't rich. If I ever came into a decent amount of money, I'd try my very best to be responsible citizen. I'd give a little to charity, spread my wealth around to my family and friends that really need it.....
Then one day, Slick Rick would come over to my modest-sized house to hang out, and he'd make some sort of subtle-but-clever knock at how I'm living, and I'd get all jealous and start trying to catch up.
I'd end up spending all of my money on giant conflict diamonds, and Kanye would get all mad at me, and Dateline NBC would show up at my house, and I'd have to explain myself to the whole world (all of the suffering makes them amazingly shiny, okay?).....

However, what if I got rich off of making diamonds? If I had a ton of diamonds already, then I wouldn't ever have to worry about getting any sort of complex from Slick Rick (or Lil Jon). If I wanted more diamonds, perhaps for studding a jean-jacket, I could just whip some up in the microwave. Then, Kanye and I could still hang out, and I'd probably even build an awesome resort for conflict-diamond workers with waterslides and free snacks, because those dudes would be stone-cold unemployed once my business got on it's feet.

...I just need to find someone that's cool enough to start up a backyard gold-mining business at about the same time. Collabo!

Sparkle on, my friends.

~sarah p.

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